I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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