you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
