K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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