I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize