i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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