A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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