they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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