so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
