there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
