capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just found a bag of teeth...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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