Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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