I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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