So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
