u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
