i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
