You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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