I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
