you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
