i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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