The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize