Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
