big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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