we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
