if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
