I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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