this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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