I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
