He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
