My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we're making bets on your personal life
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
