it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
