Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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