I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize