I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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