I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
