i wish my penis had a tongue
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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