My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
