you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
