Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize