I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
