Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
