chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
