so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
