Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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