oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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