I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My feet surprised me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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