I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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