He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We named our party play list daddy issues
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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