how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
