He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Congratulations! We have a period
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
