So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
