Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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