you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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