I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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