Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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