It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
