Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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