Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
