Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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