ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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