Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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