he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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