I wish I could teleport
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How does one acquire holy water?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize