around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
