I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
