No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
