that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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