I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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