it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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