you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I will pee on everything he values.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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